We bring you witty dialogues and banter from two amusing characters from the Dawn of the Patriot series, Babs and Kwame. We can’t get enough of these two and so would you.
(Kwame comes out from a crowded bus and runs into his friend Babs)
Babs: Bros, na you be dis?
Kwame: (Wiping the sweat off his face) Omo man, na rough life.
Babs: Where you dey from come? You resemble person wet dey come from slave farm. I no know say your people don sell you last price.
Kwame: You dey mad! I resemble person wet dem fit sell? Walahi, e no fit happen.
Babs: You no go cost pass one five last.
Kwame: Man, dat bus no be joke o. I been think say sardine na only for can. See as dem pack living soul inside moto like say dem no get respect for life.
Babs: I bow o.
Kwame: Two fat odourful market women been dey beside me…in very close contact. Man, see advanced warfare. Turn left, odour. Turn right, dust bin. The one on my left been smell like fish; the one on my right neva hear of toothpaste before. I no know why sleep con dey catch am. Dey yawn for my face direct. Remain small I for soak her mouth in soap and bleach. No bacteria for biology class wey no dey him mouth.
Babs: You for tell me say na book you wan right. No be small question I ask you?
Kwame: No vex.
Babs: True talk, those buses suppose get entry requirement for the health and wellbeing of the next man. All smelling people must travel on foot or dem fit set up one small lake beside bus stop make dem baff first before dem enter.
Kwame: As I dey tink am; I no too sure say shower fit solve some of these issues. Some of these people, na dustbin dem send dem from come dis planet.
Babs: Haha! You no try. Take heart. One day we go hammer. Bus no go dey our vision anymore.
Kwame: Where man has a will.
Babs: Na near death be dat.
Kwame: I was going to say, “there is a way”.
Babs: If na you know.
Kwame: Na small tin dey make man discover him talent.
Babs: God go provide.
Kwame: You don start! How God take enter dis conversation? You no get respect for the almighty. Dey use him name anyhow.
Bab: Doubting Thomas.
Kwame You know how many times I don born again. I dey fear tell people my age. As you see me so, my real age na around 5 years. Next Sunday na another born again session. I no sure say I go see age 6. I don tire sef. Everybody wan die young by force.
Babs: A word is enough for the wise.
Kwame: You wey dey quote passage pass, na you I dey fear pass. Holy but deadly at heart. Walking Judas.
Bab: Haha! Who wan carry last? You gast go with the flow.
Kwame: Small time you go claim say Holy Ghost don touch you.
Babs: At all! African Holy Ghost no get much power.
Kwame: People just dey talk nonsense for mouth, “Mosherabababab.” For abroad, na for psych ward you go dey. Here, you are speaking in-tongues.
Babs: I dey crase? You wan make pastor single you out? Haha.
Kwame: You dey fear man of God, wey no sabi anything. Dey lead you to promise land wey you no go ever see.
Babs: Bros, I dey hear you. I been go one Sunday service like dis. Pastor say make we begin speak in-tongues. Man, I dey look as people begin dey fool themselves. Full grown men and women with pikin, dem go school, get good job, but deep down na pure mumu.
Kwame: Haha! I don die. Dis your mouth sef.
Babs: The language no dey difficult to master. Na “Rabababa” from start to finish.
Babs: Omo man, as I dey dere I been dey form, but as the pastor begin near me, I switch to gear 5. I deny speak the language fluently. E come be like say na me Holy Ghost been touch pass for dere. I deny scream anyhow, pastor dey look me say dis one na apostle in the making.
Kwame: God dey watch you sha.
Babs: All of you wey know wetin God dey do don tire me. Na people wey dey short on common sense wey know God mind pass.
Kwame: My brother, leave dat one. Him dey watch you sha.
Babs: I tell you say him dey sleep before? By the way, a God wey no dey ever sleep; him only job na just to dey dere dey answer prayer. You wan kill am?
Kwame: Well, you know as life be now. People just dey do follow follow even if e no make sense. Abi if your papa and mama na mumu wetin you wan do?
Babs: I been tink say na me get bad mouth. I no sure say any of these people know wetin in-tongues mean sef
Kwame: Wetin e mean?
Babs: So you no know sef.
Kwame: I tell you say I be teacher?
Babs: No vex. Like “mother tongue”, “in-tongues” means speaking multiple legitimate languages. The disciples been dey speak in different languages – like interpreters – say make people wey come hear dem from different areas go understand. If you sabi speak English, French, Yoruba, Igbo, Hausa, you sabi in-tongues. “Rabababa” no mean anything.
Kwame: Na the language of angels.
Babs: You be mumu. Angel don send you message say him understand the nonsense wey you dey talk? Even you no understand the nonsense wey you dey talk but you believe say angel understand you because mumu man with title of man of God tell you.
Kwame: Na wa o. Na who vex you?
Babs: I don tire for the follow follow abeg. Too many sheep dey dis place. You fit count how many people get common sense on one hand. No wonder all these foreigners dey fool our people like say tomorrow no dey. Anything wey we see or hear we go copy without question. No wonder why even the gods wey we dey worship na mumu. I mean, even Robocop fit process information pass the so-called human beings here.
Kwame: Robocop na joke. Dem wan revive Robocop when Ironman fit fly. No hope.
Babs: Bros, anything fit happen. Dem raise Lazarus from the dead.
Kwame: Abeg, make we go find food chop. My stomach don dey speak in-tongues.
Babs: Here, drink dis.
Kwame: You dey crase?
Babs: Na to hold bele small.
Kwame: You want make I drink hot coke for dis heat? You wan kill me? And some people go talk say man get good heart.
Babs: No vex. With dis kind heat on a daily basis, who go fit tink sef. Make we go find air-condition abeg.
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